Field Notes #3 Apology from a Child

-

Title: Apologies by the Poolside
Date: 06/21/2019
Observer: Patrick Morgan
Setting: Swimming in a lagoon

I sat with a family as they swam in a lagoon. For the most part, I had a conversation with one of the mothers named Rota while the children flopped around. The clear, crisp water bubbled out of small divot in the earth a ways away from the shallow end we sat at. We had our feet in the water to help cool off. She was telling me about how the kids look forward to this time perhaps more than anything. While water can be a spiritual thing for most of the oktip people, for children it can be enjoyable for simpler, more entertaining reasons. 

At some point during our outing, a little girl ran up and began asking for her mother’s attention. After being acknowledged, the child began speaking hurriedly and quickly. I didn't know what was being said, but halfway through, Rota’s eyes rolled dramatically. She turned to me and said “she’s asking me if love her more than her brother” and then returned to tell the child that it was a ridiculous thing to ask. The child lowered her head after the light scolding, extended her hand face up and said “gentaki…” which I’ve been told is a very diminutive way to apologize. Rota in response just leaned back and said “aĊ„kanju” (literally: no thank you). 

The child ran back to the rest of the kids and the mother chuckled and turned to me. She wasn’t upset at all with the child, despite her distant response to the apology.

Reflections: 
It seems to me that, at least in the dynamic of child-parent, apologies are purely the response of the one apologizing. The child lowers herself in her language and presents herself in a diminutive position. The hand extended is a small gesture that represents her attempts to reach out. In typical transactions, the other person would place their hand on top, symbolizing reception. However, in a situation of apologizing, the child was never reciprocated. Additionally, the mother’s words were distant. 

Some accustomed to Western culture may find this cruel on Rota’s side, but I have witnessed this behavior much since. In oktip culture, in order to truly show you are sorry for something, even in a case as innocent as this, the apologizer must go through the steps to reach an agreement, and the other person is obligated to accept it in the slightest way possible, in order to reinforce the apology. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Field Notes #4 Moon Ritual

-
Em Gill Chozha Moon Ritual Description: Chozha is the biggest annual festival of the Oktip and takes place on a different island every year. This year is on Pikisenja (animal island) where most of the Oktip people's livestock graze in huge pastures across the island. The festival has been a huge celebration filled with beautiful song, dance, and decoration as well as delicious food and drink. This is the third and final night of the festival and the last full moon of the summer. My guide Gicheth tells me that tonight we will participate in the Matfunoktipa Daishe (moon song) ritual to thank the moon for their people's good fortune and ask for future blessings. After a long day of festivities, the sun has finally set and the crowds move towards the docks. With Gicheth and our traveling companions, I board the fishing boat we came to the island on as hundreds of others do the same. We sail a short ways out, far enough that there is ample space between each boat but still cl...
Read more

Leaving Oktipisenja (Blog Post 4)

-
            As I prepared to leave the Oktip people and return to my home, Rahli seemed sad to see me go. My interpreter and I had grown close as we explored the islands of the Oktipisenja and she had taught me much about the Oktip culture and language. I remarked that I was going to miss her and she should come visit me some day. The words seemed to surprise her. “I cannot visit,” she said, “if I leave Oktipisenja, I can never come back.”             I asked her if that meant I would not be allowed to return and learn more about the Oktip people or if that was a rule only for the Oktip.              “You can come visit when you like, but Matfunoktipa frowns upon her children who leave the world she made for them,” Rahli replied. When I asked to elaborate she explained, “We were given nine islands to live and grow on. We hav...
Read more

On Compliments (Blog Post 3)

-
On Compliments As I learned more about the Oktip people and their religious practices, the prevalence of Matfunoktipa, or the moon, in their daily lives seemed to grow. Or perhaps it had always been there and I was simply growing more aware of it. As I was visiting Lapaisenja with Rahli, my guide, I got to witness another aspect of the Oktip and how they pay homage to the moon, even with something as simple as accepting a compliment.               Rahli and I were walking among one of the marketplaces on Lapaisenja, or ‘Big Island’, when I observed this phenomenon. Trading among the Oktip is a highly polite and ritualized activity, stemming from the wars that used to be fought and using ‘peace’ and the word for currency. I was used to traders complimenting wares during these deals, where it was customary for the buyer to compliment the product before bargaining for it. It was surprising for me to learn that normal...
Read more